December 2015

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“ring of fire
you see,
is a star
about to be born
once we're through
the darkness of the eclipse,
you & i
will enter the center,
& fuel the shining ...

it will not be easy;
the tension
will rip us apart
as our individual essence,
struggles against one another,
competing for presence
— to shine our light —
dying with every instance.

in time,
the process
will burn our excess,
until only the æternal qualities
of us,
remain ...
once we have arrived,
we must work together.

to take too much
will yield us lawless
— unto a black hole —
setting us up to collapse
into night ...

to burn too rapt
— shine too fast —
will render destiny, too bright,
determining all of our brilliance
to super nova with abandon.

if we can sustain
precious balance between us —”

∗ ∗ ∗



— a young lady —
down towards me,
through the mists
whence she scooped me up
unto the cumulus thick...

as we floated,
white light around us,
became brighter
then blinding;
i was unable to see anything,
feeling only wind & time
against our flight
til she let go of me ...

for a moment,
fell dumbly,
before landing splayed
in a tuft of fluff.
sight returned,
found myself midst the clouds.

it was night.
complete darkness
save for twinkling lights,
lightyears in the distance
& the low glow of her angel wings
upon the clouds between us.
standing beyond them,
looking back my way ...

“do you remember me?”

at first,
didn't think so,
but she did appear
somehow familiar,
strangely similar
to someone i knew from before ...
one that i loved ...
one that i lost ...

“once upon a time,
you were granted a wish ...”

she continued,

“on the condition
that you kept your promise ...”

at her word,
memory of an arrangement,
born upon a evening,
just after witnessing a planet
emerge from the night sky ...
was she Venus ?
was she Moon Child ?

“still waiting on you to get me home ...”

couldn't remember specifics.
couldn't tell how she meant.
when she stepped aside,
out from the cloud behind her
this black/vintage
Mercury Convertible.

there it was.
upon the clouds.
advancing past her wings
he circled about it,
coming to a stop
beside the driver's door;
he felt the keys in his pocket.

he opened the door
& took a seat.
with his hands on the wheel,
something felt different ...
with the thought
— out from the dark —
a ring of light,
in the distance.
seemed the only destination in sight.
what to do,
but drive?

“go for a spin ?”

invitation accepted.

& so it goes
he's driving through the clouds,
steering about the puffs,
slowly becoming
closer to the ring of light.

as he does,
he discerns it better,
but eventually sees
it's licked with flames.
he realizes the drive's
as innocent as it seemed —
he's driving them towards
a ring of fire ...

senses danger,
& something changed ...
he's not quite who he was
once before ...
& with the ride,
a new facet of essence
— sense of self —
he'd never prior experienced ...

with the fascination,
excitement & fear
inspired of the one beside him —
the girl he cares for —
who feels closer than blood to him —
he feels he's endangering her —
wants to stop the car ...

& spiked w/ dilemma
— as trying to make sense of it —
he sees the 3 philosophers
via rear-vision mirror —
one states his heart's in the right place —
one convinced he's gone mad past insane —
one behind him's massaging his shoulders firm.

but w/ the pressure in him,
& wanting her salvation,
he's about to pull the handbrake
til she puts her hand on his
holding it to the clutch
whence she says —

“it's a star ...”

∗ ∗ ∗



as embarking
for the end of the rainbow,
a morning mist
flowed over the rolling hills,
towards myself
the 3 philosophers
up a short ways ahead of me.

increasing my pace,
became attuned
to the elder 2 philosophers,
heatedly talking,
while the other
walked alongside as listening.
could not help from overhearing their discussion
& wondering as to
the source
of their conflict.

“maybe you're just too young ...
not ready.
can be hard to find your way around.
get back to the basics
& work diligently around them ...
but beware that whichever way you decide to look at it —
maturity is a strange phenomenon.”

“the bother to me
is my prolonged oversight in this matter.
there seems to be no answer —
why hadn't this essential backbone
of the maturing process
dawned a dash sooner?

why did it take so long
— so many years —
to have grown to this measure?

why didn't i latch on
to the distinguishing learning
from an earlier episode of my experience
that would have helped me avert the failure
— the repeated mistakes —
that kept me down for so long?

was the unveiling experience,
where 'everything clicked'
so more unique
than the rest of
my happenstance moments?

where was the realization THEN that has become manifest NOW?

how could i have been so course
as to not formerly appreciate the importance?
were my eyes wide shut,
throughout the active searching?
something was certainly missing ...

and that's it,
— the variable, darling —
it's the variable i'm wanting ...
if you wish to offer any help,
reveal the billion-dollar ingredient
that unlocked this understanding.

in other words,
superbly subtle something
had to be present
in this ah-ha instance
to have made it stand apart from the rest of the doldrum seconds ...

one need only identify
the singular variable
to resolve the
“why NOW?”
that opened awareness,
which will furthermore
make sense of the order —
the timeline of my history.”

in a cosmic sense,
the answer to your question
is so universally solvent,
that to have possessed it then
— or even a moment sooner —
in short,
would also provide plausible reason
for a chain of events
= to 0,
& nothing would have ever happened.

throughout their discussion,
the mist around us
had become so thick,
whence a sudden realization occurred —
the rainbow was gone ...

kept looking up,
all around,
but not even shade of color remained,
and then suddenly,
a lightness ...
something ...
or someone ...
falling through the sky,
drifting towards me ...

∗ ∗ ∗



with meditation ended
opened my eyes,
& beyond the mouth of the cave,
watched the light of the rising sun
warming the horizon.

a rain had just fallen
the earth,
still wet,
another year was behind;
a new one about to begin ...
took a moment
to reflect on what it meant for facing future.

was more of the same, ahead?
was i any wiser
& what is wisdom?
was there any life-changing understanding
— some new magic —
worth taking with me?

as i sat,
i thought long
upon what was most important
throughout my experience.
amidst the musing,
i saw a rainbow in the distance,
stretched high across the sky.

i thought of the duties to be performed
— the order of the day —
but knowing this rainbow
would not be forever,
i wanted to take advantage ...

i rose,
down the rocky slope,
staying true to the course
as advancing towards the end of the rainbow.

on the way,
trekked upon 3 Philosophers
— each of different age —
ahead of me,
& headed in the same direction,
engaged in heated discussion ...

∗ ∗ ∗



maybe too soon ...
but while the nose glows
what you say
we go explore that island
where all dreams are welcome ...

— Rudolph



well ...
all I really wanted
was to fix Santa's two front teeth ...

— Kirby



took my chances —
just like that,
walked the length of the board,
stanced ten toes over the nose,
held the pose & positively —
was hanging ten for the flow...

“you're doing it, MaCollie ...”

wave noticed the increase in woahness.
the hang-10 instance, like super-surrealness.
what's more was this strange sense of depth i was feelin' ...
somethin' i'd never-before-experienced ...

“you're doing it, MaCollie ...”

whatevs it was,
wave was feelin it, too.
curious thing for certain is
the wave had up'd my game;
the more it demanded,
the faster i focused,
& fastened my motion to the tidal shiftings ...

all the while
remained time-to-time wonderin'
as to exactly where this wave was going ...

“you're doing it, MaCollie ...”

wave had said it again.
i said —
"wave, where'd you even learn to lingo?"
shouldn'ta asked.
got distracted.
tho really didn't expect there to be that iceberg ...

needless to say,
flew far,
fell hard,
was hurtin' something awful.
got up anyhow,
looked around,
seemed i'd crashed some exotic black-gold beachside.

"where the heck am i?"

hadn't the slightest.
was vying for figuring.
wiped the black-gold sands out my eyes
all a suddenly,
couldn't believe what i was seeing —
the surf legend, himself —
the Dude,
sitting in a lawn chair,
just up shore.

had a million-&-a-half
things to say,
questions to ask him.

"big Mac," said the Dude, "you're thinking too hard ..."

he raised his glass & tipped to it the sign.

Black-Gold Beach
Wave Heaven
Endless Summer


"surf's up," Dude said.

ever since,
best Christmas ever.

— MaCollie

Hearth Local



didn't think twice —
heeded teach's advice —
& w/ the rest the class,
dashed & dove through the windows
like gleamy dolphins
into the deep blue sea.

once in the thick of it,
we paddled hard
for a place on the face
that was best fit for us.
when came our chance,
got up & on with coppin' a feel
for the tidal flow.

& just like that,
we're all doing it!
i mean the whole student body,
surfing together
on a wave big 'nough for all us —
each one us reppin' unique freaky styleys.

so i'm carving up the barrel,
& like,
it was fly & all,
but nothin' out the ordinary
until I had this moment,
where everything felt ...
(o, how to say ... ?)
strangely buzzy?

all a sudden
felt like one those characters
on a papier-mâché wave
from a 17th Century Surf Movie,
who suddenly experiences,
an unexpected woah-ness
more casually known as
"a moment of clarity."

i look over
across the barrel,
& like
the wave, itself, had a face.
the face of the wave had a face —
& it was looking right at me ...

& that's when
— against the odds —
the wave speaks to me,
in this wavy-groovy voice —

“MaCollie ...
it said,
get ready ...
be open
new experience ...

so i was like —
woah ...
this wave is deep ...
beyond-your-average-tide-chart ...
& that's when i thought to myself —
MaCollie ...
i think it's trying
to tell you something ...

i was trying to figure it out
til i got a headache.
man, you're thinking too hard —
just surf!

upon realizing that,
opened my eyes,
to an ultra
hang-10 opportunity.

∗ ∗ ∗



so the wave was coming,
the class had surfboards,
& teach. seemed cool w/ us paddling out.
all was super copacetic —
when the door got kicked in from behind us!

stepping out
from a fog-machine mist —
karma police!
not to mention the principle
his merry band of hall inspectors.

while they got busy writing us up,
the rest us stood on edge
of a showdown about to riot.
needless to say,
was capital bummin'.

mean, here i was
w/ all my buds,
set to shred in
the gnar
of some tidal surge,
& suddenly these officials in ties
with electric eyes
had come to take it all away.

"such is life, bros,"
i said to my mates.
"like yin & yang... or something like it."
never grasped philosophy,
but felt the right thing to say
before the hall inspector cried —

“get 'em!”

i tipped a desk over to slow 'em down —

"dudes! save yourselves!"
i yelled,
"make a break for it while i fend 'em back!"

"Semper fi, MaCollie!"

said teach.,
who'd been opening windows
for all us —

“dive into liquid!”

∗ ∗ ∗



opened my eyes,
out the window —
a swell of blue neon was rising through the sky —
a tidal mass coming to class ...
talk about an awakening ...

teach. was right —
the wave was happening,
the barrel ... the shape!
and to think craft of them rippled steeps
were still rising, in formation.

was pretty awestruck.
kinda glum, even.
mean just when i'd been nightmaring
on the surf being game-over,
wave was building all along ...
wish i'd pledged to look for it sooner.

wish i'd ditched,
or least focused the time on rememberin'
how anything's possible …
that's when I observed my peers
leaned over their desks
w/ palms wide, spread across them.

as tho at the height of anticipation,
they all cried my way,
in unison —

“what are you waiting for, MaCollie?!”

figured the question was rhetorical.
but addressing it from
perspective's otherside,
thought oppositely …
realized an answer just had to be at hand ...

was still thinking on it
as my peers jumped up,
flipped open & reached into their desktops —
each one of them,
pulling out a surfboard.

i followed suit —
pulled out my longboard,
put up a cowabunga for my class mates,
then looked on the wave
that was a-comin'
& said —

“hey bud, let's party.”

∗ ∗ ∗



started in astronomy
— lights out, projector on —
there i was
back of class
sleeping something hard ...

was bummed to be missing out
on the subject matter,
but had had a couple
Off-The-Richter Days of stellar swell.
was just too burnt out to tune in;
tuned-out —
there I was ...

last I recall,
the topic was dark matter,
that's when my nitemare started.
surf — blown out!
low tide — everywhere!
drying out on shore ...

so i'm toss-turning
in night-terrors,
teacher musta saw me vying to wakeup.
she pulled the shades —
light hit my face —

“MaCollie! The perfect wave's comin'!”

∗ ∗ ∗



to fathom measure


discern student,
observe teacher,
study pupil dilating ...
proceed indefinitely ...

— Master Haratori

Ancient Sage,
As quoted from his Oral Tale —
Unconventional Zen



believe it or not,
the blue one is a sedative;
the red,
but a placebo ...
leaving my
in a prolonged moment
concentration ...

— Watson @ microscope,
reporting findings to Holmes;
a scene from short story —

You know my methods ...

∗ ∗ ∗



i'll be waiting, shears in hand.
whatever you do, stay put.
give this guy some time to study your locks from afar;
make sure he can handle the proportions you've got in store.

now if he scratches his brow
with the point of the blade,
that's his signal to you like —

“what you waiting for? get in here.”

if he starts juggling straight-edge razors,
well ...
you can at least come in for a clean shave ...

think you're beginning to see
how temperamental
this "growing-your-hair-out" mischief be.
that said,
think we can make ya handsome...
then again, may the force be w/ you ...

— Christophinn

Empire Trooper-turned-Rebel-Barber
Owner of Fuzzy Cuts, Inc.

by the way, Wooks —
stop by today with that
good for a 15% discount.
limited restrictions apply,
Wookee perms, Wookee mohawks, etc.

∗ ∗ ∗



just wish there was something i could say —
something i could do to help your situation.
just so happens, your lucky day —
i'm a barber;
here's my card...

Fuzzy Cuts

that's my shop —
grooming long locks,
my business.
now when you think you're ready
for a quality trim,
i want you to do precisely this —

start heading down this street
for, say ...
one-thousandth of a light-second.
you should be at the next block by then,
which is about when you're gonna see a black cat.
as it crosses your path,
kick it to hell,
when you hear the cat's meow,
look right.
through the glass will be a man in a parlor ...
that man's gonna be me ...

∗ ∗ ∗



ever been to the dark side of nappy tangles?
or run out of conditioner
in the middle of a bath?
o sure,
trivial inconvenience at first,
but growing your hair out's some risky sh*t ...

you remember the transformation
that happened to Anakin
circa Episode II / Episode III?
you think it was the dark side alone,
or that sith gramps that nipped his goodness?
t'was the nappy tangles, friend.

a touch too much
of the ol' care + maintenance
is enough to tip anyone over the edge ...
& to think ol' Anni's hair was hardly shoulder length ...

∗ ∗ ∗



sensed a major disturbance back there ...
fear the empire has found you first.
but how?!
o, who'm i kidding, Wookee —
you're as obvious as Sasquatch
& problematically twice as cute...

but forget my teenie-bopper confessions
& tell me —
why, wookee? why?!
growing your hair out like a rock 'n roller?!
o, it's not your fault —
you didn't know ...

there there, now ...
flip that frown,
there's still time for an 'A for Attitude.'
but this 'lengthening the locks,' stunt,
a dangerous move...
i'd lend you in on specifics,
but you're in for 'em,
ain't ya, now?
& split ends —
just the beginning ...

∗ ∗ ∗



my Wookee ...
are you ...
your hair out?
well then.
not to a place —
but a newfound level of existance ...
& guess what?
you're the star ...

sound dramatic?
walk with me, Wooks.
can tell you're not from around here ...
but let me say you something private —
soon as i laid eyes on ya back there
you know what happened?
i fell in love for the first time...

this hair ...
this heavenly palatte
of gold & hazel
— highlighted with strands of Magnum Silver —
creates a collage of color
so captivatingly rich w/ allure ...
uh oh ...
this way partner ...
i fear we're being followed ...

∗ ∗ ∗




— gingerbread man

p.s. : got milk?

torn-out passage from
The Oven Diaries,
discovered amidst crumbs inside an empty cookie jar.



can't catch me

— gingerbread man

p.s. : see fan

salvaged excerpt from
The Oven Diaries,
after pulling off The Great Escape via convection bake fan



∗ ∗ ∗

somehow ...
you ...
crossing the bridge …
towards me ...
i skippied towards you w/out delay!

find myself still out of breath,
& not simply from this long walk
or running your ear w/ this haranguing jangle;
feel as tho my life's at stake
in reaching the otherside ...
& that's not to mention my emotional investment —
you do not want to see me tantrum ...

but you!
you did it!
and without difficulty?
how so peacefully?
didn't see one them reptilian buggers
flick so much as a tastebud your way ...
i'd let you get a word in to answer
if I wasn't so habberdashed with the matter.

i've circled once about this hill to inspect
& twice now to talk it out with you ...
i'll circle a third time if that's what it takes
to reach that rocky hill ...
but starsky!

what am i missing?
& why this suspicion
as tho it's something
obvious ...
does my impatience have to do with it?
perhaps a part of me isn't quite ready ...
have found it's usually the case
when gump'd & garrulous for a solution ...
wait a second —
before you say anything ...

makes me bitter to admit ...
but maybe ...
it's for the best
to leave me to work through this nonsense on my own ...
if there's one
common denominator
i've sniffed & snaffed out
along my travels
it's that some things are best self-solved,
so to speak ...
(maybe those chameleons simply don't like my shirt ...?)
whatever it be,
i am determined to figure this
squint of a mystery

i'm a problem solver!
did i mention i've traveled the world?
my selfies are best-sellers!
published in countries across the globe!
it's my job —
my duty —
to give it my gusto
in order to reach that hill
& deliver a polaroid-pop worth shakin'!

but yes,
do carry on as you were ...
should probably think some more on it,
pay closer attention as circling for my third trip about the hill ...
(will it require even a fourth time round?)
don't answer that, actually ...
& please,
just be as you were
on your perfect way ...

on how to get past those chameleons ...
perhaps it's my T … ?
before you leave, do agree, it stands out, somewhat
your outfit on the whole
blends in a bit better w/ the bridge ...
pray tell,
what kind of shirts you wear?
think the chameleons are mistaking mine for a candy cane?
I'm all for a happy Christmas ...
my T does look kinda like a candy cane ...

— Waldorf

on seeking to discover
where he is



∗ ∗ ∗

was crossing the bridge —
beginning to discern details
about the rocky hill & house,
first thing i noticed,
the moss —
more green than any green i'd seen before ...
lively & yet,
couldn't decide whether it appeared dreamy-looking
or you know,
something radioactive ...

ar that thought,
stopped on the bridge,
suddenly felt a strange fear—paranoia—of making the cross.
that's when I noticed,
scattered between the men overhead,
camouflaged specimens across the bridge ...

perhaps a penchant.
but at this point,
was plenty elseness beyond my comprehension.
that one-of-a-kind desire for a magical group-selfie.
started happl'y posing,
had nearly taken the snap,
when comes this prick of excruciating pain!


dern right I exclaimed it.
one of them bloody chameleons
had shot it's tongue down from the bridge-suspension
& taken a bite right out of my longsleeve!

up til then,
had thought chameleons
to be of the cutest of reptilian herbivores...
& then another tongue hit me!
& then another!
even another!
& aside from the holes in my T / jeans,
the pain was excruciating!
i bolted back off that bridge like the dickens
before i was left standing in my long-johns.

so off the bridge ...
hammering started up again ...
couldn't see that moss.
& in addition to the missing patches of my garments,
this terrible overwhelming sense of loss ...

with that ancient house on my mind,
felt i still had to get somehow get there ...
seeing the water of the moat,
i realized —
i'm a swimmer!

it's true.
been deep sea diving.
& can hold my breath for over 30 seconds on most tries.
but stepping to the shore,
noticed something in the water
along the darkness cast of the bridge ...
looking closer,
something ...
underneath those ripples ...
extended my cane to test the waters
when a school of Black Mamba Piranas latched on!
gobbling up it with a venom of bites!
before they'd the chance to take my hand,
tossed my cane askance towards the waters.

& so now i'm standing on shore,
bitten up & missing my crutch ...
at this point,
feels like i've been in a dream gone wrong.
at the inception of that thought —
it occurs ...

you must be dreaming ...

but dreaming or not,
who gives a hoot!
figured all that mattered in this excerpt of time
is i've been the farthest stretches of planet earth,
yet can't even manage to cross a bridge!

about then's when i noticed the hammers settling.
& looking up, saw you doing precisely that —
advancing from the otherside ...

∗ ∗ ∗



∗ ∗ ∗

in continuing —
was moseying through this No Man's Land of sands,
circling about the moat & hill,
where the view looked more/less the same,
all while it was taking me longer than anticipated
to come 'round full circle.

was getting anxious to reach that bridge;
part of the delay, being my cane,
which is mostly for show,
aside from the pivotal touch it do my swagger.
occasional support amidst our pixelated foundation
(if you will)

after all this walking,
have found these sands
tend to tip the balance ...
believe you me,
gave that crutch several firm lean-in's
upon finding the surprise around the bend.

before i even saw the bridge,
i heard something ...
a hammering from afar.
upon squinting,
saw men,
dozens working on the massive structure.

but they weren't there before ...
i surmised to self.
figured they must have come from that
house upon the hill ...
needless to say,
i uppitied my pace to chase for an understanding ...

on the way,
my brain was storming with questions
about the land & where we be ...
but before i'm within even talking distance,
i see that these men aren't actually working ...
but just hammering on the bridge!

one & all them —
swinging blows,
all at different rates & rhythms
without obvious rhyme or reason ...
perhaps they're doing a strength test ...
i pondered,
banging on the finishing touches ...?
what the bleep did i know about bridges?

rather than interrupt their business,
just stuck to my own,
& tuned into the
journey @ hand,
right then,
continued my way towards the
on ramp of the bridge.

on my way,
came to a sign
that read:

TOLL — Free Both Ways

great news,
fancied i,
being fresh out of change.

without thinking twice,
continued embarking the on ramp
of what's a fairly massive bridge,
yet with every step
i begin to notice —
the hammers,
swinging ...

one after another,
the blows cease ...
i look up to find all them looking down on me ...
suddenly overwhelmed,
i leaned-in to my cane
for a cushioned — yet effective — halt.

now i've been everywhere —
the circus ...
& have the World-Renowned selfies to prove it ...
but when the pressure's on & my senses are riled,
i can be pretty dern bashful ...

thinking further,
that the pressure wasn't on,
all along
i was just being a pampelmoosed flimsy.

what are you waiting for?
i reflected,
just cross the bridge.

upon getting momentum back to my stride,
found out just what
was awaiting me ...

∗ ∗ ∗



∗ ∗ ∗

what happened is this —

i'm all alone,
in middle of Nowhere...
this desert we're in,
not a body in sight.
not my kind of scene,
you understand.
prefer to be in good company ...

how i arrived
— wherever we be in this Universe —
is a colorful story;
another one entirely.
it was along the advance,
as retracing my steps,
that i espied this hill in the distance...

proceeding towards it,
can tell the hill's a rocky one
but nicely shaped with a house upon it ...
or is that an ancient castle?
maybe a fortress ...
whatever it is,
looks abandoned as the rest of this expanse...

in any case,
start circling in,
gaining perspective
step by step.
before long,
see that the hill
is surrounded with water.

looks to me to be one of those moats,
or bodies of water preventing one
from easily reaching the land it envelops.
as thinking that the hill's beholding something precious
i spy this bridge up ahead...

quitting the circling,
i advance directly towards it,
begin noticing it's design reminds me of the Brooklyn.
sure enough,
see it connects to the hill.
no sign of anybody on or beyond it.

halting before it,
i'm standing thoughtful
thinking on crossing
& exploring the hill on the otherside.
but as looking across,
this strange feeling
as though i'm not quite yet ready ...

bizarre —
this queasy notion ...
i mean, i've seen the world
& have fab selfies to prove it ...
as thinking further on crossing,
realize i ought least circle about hill completely —
scope it out
before making the passage ...

it was along
that next time 'round ...
couldn't believe what i discovered.

∗ ∗ ∗



just arrived practically.
do lots of traveling.
pose in foreign realms
for the occasional selfie...
tho can't say I've been anywhere quite like here...

what is this place?
rather ordinary,
yet dashed with a peculiar strangity —
a certain timing to the arriving of things...
finding you, for instance,
(or have you found me?)

do admit,
i've spent a deal of nonsense wandering,
reflecting & questioning
& then some —
all while attempting to navigate about...
happen to be without a map
but you seem to have some sense of direction...

if you don't mind,
would like to walk alongside you
and relate an experience freshly had.
perhaps you can shed some insight
to help me find my way...

∗ ∗ ∗



brimmin' w/ zing!
spice 'n merry!
may i stuff ur stockin's O bliss 'n tidin's?
sweep your chim' for ole Kris Kringle?
less than a month left to deck halls w/ jinglin' spritzies!
Christmas Time e'rybody!

— Berry

“Santa's Gnome”
sentimental / overwhelming
Head Cheer Marketeer,
recently banished from the North Pole
upon a majority vote ruling by Santa's Elves;
still working.



when you

wish upon a

follow the stars...

— Jiminy Grasshopper

excerpt from a draft of his


on “The Row”



∗ ∗ ∗

wow —
stop's here already.
lost track of time along the walk.
feel now i've said too much ...
you're always so quiet,
probably be better for me to be more like bro.
such a good listener and all.
hardly feel i need to see the therapist after walking to her office with you.

know you don't think i need therapy ...
but she's got issues, too,
& very few friends ...
we're in this together,
we have nice talks,
work on our problems together ...
do wish you'd attend —
if only to see
how much she's changed since then.
she's not the soul-hungry fiend she was ...
(think she met somebody, but don't yet know the scoop...)
but don't want to be late —
thanks for walking me, bro.
talk with you next week?
same time & place?

give a hug ...
know i've said it,
but in case i someday forget to mention it,
am very grateful to you —
for all you've done for me of late —
hope i've helped you, too, along your journey ...
grateful that Halloween is past,
am Missing Thanksgiving,
but in any case,
it all connects ...

— Gretel



∗ ∗ ∗

and that's what you taught me —
on the why & how to be brave ...
sure took a while, tho, didn't it?
guess that's one reason
it's good having a bro ...
helps to see the ropes ...

maybe someday
we'll have a chance
to reminisce on the events —
the thoughts/exchanges had along the experience
& how it all came together ...
of course,
that's not to say it's over ...
only now warming ...
just don't want to miss
the happening @ present —
the struggle, for instance ...

you heard me right —
the struggle.
soon as i'm missing it, know i'm slipping,
'cause when it comes down to it
there's always a choice between doing
that ...
but time's limited,
& if avoiding the struggle,
tends to be more trouble.
maybe it's just me?

in any case,
remembering to remind myself of
has been helping me actively search for it ...
kinda weird
from a reverse-psych-sort-of-perspective ...
initially seems i'm always looking for things that make me unhappy ...
looking further,
the only things that make me unhappy
are those directly blocking my path ...

that's where the acceptance comes in,
& opening & learning
& acknowledging the fact
that i'm just not
where i want to be yet.
embracing the struggle
helps me identify the challenge,
which i've found has become necessary for feeling alive ...

∗ ∗ ∗



∗ ∗ ∗

still learning.
there's still difficulty.
the affect has proven rather therapeutic...
takes the Spectrums,
puts them right in their place.
most times, anyways...

when it doesn't,
the Spectrums change into Shades,
which is a Greek way for saying:
"Souls of the Dead."
now as you know,
i'm not Grecian,
but for some reason beyond me,
these ghosties be usually wearing togas
tatted w/ Delta/Lambdas
& other etc. Greek Alphabet.
wonder why.
got ideas?

in any case,
when they show,
i just do as you told —
do my best
to play the proactive part of the supernatural exchange.

for instance,
other day,
was stalked by an egyptian mummy from dawn to dusk...
no matter which way i turned
this cat would just not let off the haunting...
confrontation came to a head when the fiend started cursing at me —

“break a leg,” it said, wistfully.

“would rather shake one," said i, "thank ya, actually.”

i even curtsied for good show,
but that's when the mummy said —

"shake a tail feather..."

well now. you may imagine that little retort
really tipped my kettle of tolerance...
looking back,
know i shouldn't have overreacted,
but couldn't help it then.
was frankly flustered.
had simply lost it.
was seeing red by the time i said:

“why don't you just shake your own!”

now I admit,
it was downright dirty...
a rather unlady-like thing to say...
but would you believe
that then and there,
that mummy unraveled
like a 2-ply roll of squares?

goes to show,
how an even-kindled dose of temper,
can go a long way
when heated to just the right degree,
when just in time to take a stand;
be brave...

∗ ∗ ∗



want to thank you for all the advice —
for taking time to show The Way,
even beyond that “come-and-go feeling”
we all happen upon now & then...
only been several days,
but ever since we last talked,
it's strange...
things been connecting.
like linking into place...

been going over what you said
frame by frame,
fairly regularly...
could go into specifics
& how it's happening,
but seems all that matters
are these possibilities
i'm suddenly exploring...

has to do a lot with opening...
with acceptance...
perhaps an alignment of Presence
with some cosmic harmony...
something like that?

∗ ∗ ∗